Falling off the Wagon

Yes, there are no readers here (so consequently no one will care), but let's start with the bad -- I fell off the wagon and didn't post for two weeks. Really, I wish I had a good reason for it. Drinking binge brought on by Easter with the family? Drinking binge brought on by a delayed Spring? A drining binge in jubilation at the death of Osama Bin Laden? Unfortunately, none of these. As one of my favorite Bret Easton Ellis characters said, and I say it now, "Deal with it." I'll be better.

On a lighter note, I bought Brooks Brothers boat shoes from the store in dt Mpls. Consider it a birthday present to myself. I then walked up Nicollet Mall in my gray double-breasted Ralph Lauren suit with pinstripes sans tie but sporting a pink pocketsquare from XMI while carrying a Brooks Brothers bag and wearing my chunky sunglasses from that vintage store in uptown. Got a lot of stares outside Brit's pub.

I look like I make money, but people haven't seen my paycheck.

Zuckerberg is so defriended

Originally I had a different topic in mind, but this story on the Huffington Post made me change the matter at hand.

Yesterday Facebook CEO/President Mark Zuckerberg had the pleasure of interviewing President Obama for a town hall meeting in Palo Alto, California. As a sign of respect for the 44^th president, Zuckerberg donned a sport coat, shirt and tie (shirt being necessary to denote because normally Zuckerberg wears a crew neck t-shirt). Though Zuckerberg had a decent enough interview with President Obama, the Facebook founder’s wardrobe choice was completely lacking.

Zuckerberg has built his image around that of a geeky wunderkind from college who started one of the world’s most important networking websites. That image, casually completed with jeans and his already mentioned crew neck t-shirt, seems well crafted—perhaps not unlike Steve Jobs from Apple Computers. However, the look Zuckerberg was going for yesterday was wholly lacking in this contrived insouciance.

Where did he go wrong?

Painting in broad strokes, Zuckerberg tried to dress up while looking casual and ended up failing on both counts spectacularly.

First, the tie: too wide. Zuckerberg has a narrow face, and the tie looked about the same width. A skinnier tie would have helped to balance out his face. A skinnier tie would have also balanced better with the lapels of the coat, which were far narrower than the tie. The width of a tie and the lapels on a coat should be in relative harmony, and Zuckerberg’s were not.

Then there’s the shirt. The brightness of the white shirt along with the dark jacket accentuated the already jaundiced look of Zuckerberg’s skin. A blue shirt—the fall back of really any white guy—would have looked far better on him. If not that, there are plenty of other softer colors Zuckerberg could have gone with. Because he failed in this respect, Zuckerberg looked very clammy compared to the always impeccably dressed Obama.

But perhaps I spoke too soon on Obama, because Zuckerberg, from looking at the lower half of his body, stole one fashion choice from Obama: the mom jeans with the tennis shoes. The black dress belt is a terrible match with it as well, because it’s too narrow for the belt loops. Makes me think of the Jets from West Side Story.

I don’t know what Zuckerberg was trying to do. Dress a little better as a sign of respect? Considering how poorly he did it, he probably would have been better off sticking to his habitual choice of clothes. Really, he reminds me of a cross between a meathead from college forced to show up to court and a high schooler going on his first date who went through his father’s closet trying to look put together. Zuckerberg threw on whatever he had lying around his office, perhaps because Facebook reminded him the president was coming that day.

I would like to think of Zuckerberg as being like his creation. Great achievements but full of flaws. And at the end, I would say Facebook has been a tool for good. Zuckerberg, though, is just a tool. And not a very well dressed one at that.

Schlepping toward Dowdiness

Wearing a backpack for work when dressed in business professional makes someone look juvenile, and yet I see this every weekday on the Minneapolis skyways.

A man could be dressed correctly in every other single matter, but the moment he dons a backpack to lug his gear through the skyway the first two things I invariably ask myself are: Where is his lunchbox, and did his mother include Capri Sun or Minute Maid apple juice?

For some reason, I never see women doing this, and that I find baffling. Women are always striving to look younger with God knows how many means—makeup, hair coloring, exercise, plastic surgery. To that list I would like to add that there’s great potential in wearing a backpack. It will definitely take 20 years off anyone’s life when worn with professional business dress.

One day I observed a gentleman in well cut, two button gray suit with side vents, sporting walnut dress shoes. Stylish and conservative. But, he had a backpack. On his shoulders. The bag was so big he was hunched over like Quasimodo. I’ve been backpacking in the bush, and I’m positive my load had been lighter than his. I don’t know how he commutes, but the first image I had conjured up was him boarding a big yellow school bus. And of course he had Target badge connected to his belt. Why are they always the worst offenders?

There is no reason to be at the age and occupation when you’re in the position to wear a suit to the office and still carry around a backpack like you’re schlepping your bio-chem textbook. Gym clothes might be an obvious exception for something to carry around in a backpack, were there not an even more obvious answer to that conundrum: a gym bag.

When you graduate from college you should update from a backpack to a briefcase or a messenger bag. Do you still drink what you did in college, or have you graduated from the days of a case of Natty Light? The same applies to dress. Those two accessories—a messenger bag of briefcase—will wear much better around the body than a sack made for hiking and canoeing through the Boundary Waters. Plus, people won’t think of Tom Hanks from Big.

The exception to this is if you’re dressed casually (and by casual I in no way mean business casual). If you’re wearing jeans and a t-shirt out in public then of course it’s acceptable to wear a backpack. Since you’re already dressed for comfort, if using a backpack is comfortable, then do it.

If you still really insist on wearing a backpack with a suit, then at least wear it around just one shoulder. This will minimize damager to both your now-slovenly appearance and your suit.

One of the maxims of dress is that one should never sacrifice comfort for style. While I guess at the end of the day you’re free to do as you please regarding the choice of a backpack with a suit from Brooks Brothers, don’t think people don’t think you look stupid doing it.

Raison d'etre -- peut etre

Nick Caraway in The Great Gatsby explained his decision to move east (from Minnesota) and join the bond business in New York City as this: “Everybody I knew was in the bond business, so I supposed it could support one more single man.”

And I take that same attitude to blogging. Hopefully, though, I will not find myself in the same tragic situations as Mr. Caraway did in that fateful summer of 1922 in East and West Egg. Put it this way: if my neighbors can pontificate about matters they really have no authority over, then why can’t I over matters I do have extensive knowledge of?

I live in Lowry Hill, and I work in downtown Minneapolis. However, do not let the neighborhood name fool you regarding myself. I live in modest housing, and I make my way of modest means. But, when the discussion comes to the subject of work attire, I reign supreme.

Every day I see the worst aspects of men’s dress. And, to be fair, I see many men who are well dressed (or as well dressed as they can be) for their profession. These are not matters about fashion – they’re style.

I have the answers. I doubt anyone of note will take to them, but this is just as well. For if my raison d’etre goes away or is ignored, then surely I can write about whatever subject regarding the Twin Cities I desire. Too many blogs devolve into any subject the author fancies. Me being mortal, I’m positive this will be the case as well.

Scott Monroe is, of course, a nom de plume. Though I myself have nothing nefarious to cover up, and it is no way my intention to malign (excessively) the dress habits of others, perhaps some anonymity is called for in as small a community as the Twin Cities can be. If that anonymity remains secure is a story not yet written.

I am positive this will digress into fields having nothing to do with the actual modes of dress, but I’ll try to keep the subjects in proximity to my neighborhood. Hopefully by that time I will have an actual career, and the very people I give constructive criticism to will instead be my peers. Until then, my discussion will only enlighten the public.